7 - I Know, I'm Careless. I Get It.

"Nothing can be worse than.... feel rejection"

Normally, I would write this kind of things in my journal, but since I locked myself up in this room, it might as well be a good topic for this blog of mine....

Have you ever done something you're afraid to do but you have to do it because it is right? Tried to be honest about something but you still know that they would take really it bad? I did, and I want to shout that it really hurts! It's painful! It's really painful coming out clean and be yelled at like it was the worst thing I've done despite all the hard works I've been through to please them. I feel rejected by my own mom. And you know, it's really funny how the person you love the most can hurt you the most.

Today, I just got scolded by my mom for losing my painting materials. Those painting materials cost a lot and I'm really sorry for it. I know that just saying sorry is not enough because it was my mom's money and all. I deserved that scold but I didn't think it would hurt that much. You see, I just want to be honest so I told her about it. And then, she started telling me how 'burara' I am. She goes on and on about the other thing that I lost and how she wasn't like that when she was at my age. That's what I don't like about my mom.

She can't see that I too hate myself for being too careless and too forgetful that I lost all my painting stuffs. She doesn't even want to hear my explanation. I understand where she's coming from but can't she understand that sometimes, I too want to be understood. That I needed her support at that moment, because I don't know where to get it from other than her.

Nothing can really be worse than feel rejection from your own parents. I'm sorry but I can't promise that I won't lose anything else in the future. Though, I'll try to value more my things.