6 - I am Me and Nothing More

"Have you ever depended yourself from an accusation by another person?"

Being accused of something I did not do or something I'm not, is very offensive. It's like being judged wrongfully. It makes me think of why did they accuse me or what are their bases of their accusations. Then, I'll isolate myself and reflect on my past behavior. I always end up doubting myself to the point that it affects my self-esteem. Yes, I ponder a lot with trivial comments about myself or about what I did.

The other day, a friend of mine told me that I must be a lesbian because I like playing games meant for guys. I ignored it but deep inside, I was really hurt. This friend was judging me as someone I'm not. For him, it might be just a harmless joke but for me, it's not. I was just being myself. Does playing video games for guys makes me a lesbian? Or if I don't wear too girly clothes makes me one? Or the way I act makes me one too? Then I ended up with a question, "Should I change myself so that they won't take me as a lesbian?". They don't know even know the reasons why I act too boyish. I wish they'll try to understand before saying hurtful things.

I was really sad. That little comment made me think of a lot of negative thoughts. I don't like it because my pessimistic side will take over. Why do humans throw out words to others and not realize that they're hurting them? Just because everyone has the right of freedom of speech doesn't mean everyone has the right to say what they think of of a person.

I wasn't able to defend myself. I just kept silent because I don't like argumentations or confrontations. I told myself that I should stop dwelling on it and let it go because it's not worth it. It was just another moment in life. Another moment for God to make me realize that I have to defend myself the next time. That the next time, I have to speak out.