12 - Irky Feelings

"Did you ever hide a real feeling or emotion? When? Why?"

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky.” 

― Thich Nhat Hanh, Stepping into Freedom: Rules of Monastic Practice for Novices

Feelings. They are those nasty little bugs that often come and go only to screw with your heart. They are the pest that invades your mind and seize every part of your thoughts. Feelings are facts without evidences as proof. It's confusing. It gives doubt. It makes everyone crazy at some point. For me, feelings are uncontrollable, but it needs to be restrained sometimes. 

What feelings look like

I may not say it but I do have someone I admire too (or crushes as they put it). It's just that I don't show it because I'm really afraid that admitting it will make that feeling truer than it already is. In my whole life, I've only admitted once to my friends, and it turned out badly. They began teasing me and they started giving hints to that person. Because of that, I stopped admiring the guy.

I don't want to specifically state a time when, but one thing for sure, I have hidden that real feeling because I'd rather feel it for a long time and make it last. Also, I don't want to complicate things by admitting it. For sure, a day will come that it'll fade away too. I think, it's better to be kept as a secret.