12 - Irky Feelings

"Did you ever hide a real feeling or emotion? When? Why?"

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky.” 

― Thich Nhat Hanh, Stepping into Freedom: Rules of Monastic Practice for Novices

Feelings. They are those nasty little bugs that often come and go only to screw with your heart. They are the pest that invades your mind and seize every part of your thoughts. Feelings are facts without evidences as proof. It's confusing. It gives doubt. It makes everyone crazy at some point. For me, feelings are uncontrollable, but it needs to be restrained sometimes. 

What feelings look like

I may not say it but I do have someone I admire too (or crushes as they put it). It's just that I don't show it because I'm really afraid that admitting it will make that feeling truer than it already is. In my whole life, I've only admitted once to my friends, and it turned out badly. They began teasing me and they started giving hints to that person. Because of that, I stopped admiring the guy.

I don't want to specifically state a time when, but one thing for sure, I have hidden that real feeling because I'd rather feel it for a long time and make it last. Also, I don't want to complicate things by admitting it. For sure, a day will come that it'll fade away too. I think, it's better to be kept as a secret. 

11 - College is Unforgettable

"Describe an unforgettable experience."

Everyone has this special moment. Moments which makes one wish to record and play it over and over again. Those are the precious moments that we treasure every day and will remember until the days we get older. It might be good or bad but we call these moments and experiences the unforgettable ones.

As for me, my most unforgettable experience is being a college student. Specifically, studying at Asia Pacific College and being a part of ABMA123. You see, I originally planned to enroll as an Electronics Engineering Student but because I really love art, I changed my course to Multimedia Arts just before I enrolled. Until now, I never regretted doing so.

I met a lot of great people who share the same interests as mine. These people are my blockmates and professors who have taught me a lot and helped me improve my skills and talents. For me, they are all my mentors while I go through the process of becoming an artist. Because of them, I fell more in love with art.

Right now, my first year at college is coming to an end. I don't know what to expect in the next three years but I do hope that I'll enjoy the days, weeks and months to come as a Multimedia Arts student.

10 - Dear Me, Have You Changed?

"Write a letter to yourself to be sealed now and opened and read by you in ten years.

What would you like to have yourself remember?"

Isn't it great to write a letter to your future self? It's kind of interesting because somehow you'll know the changes in yourself from the time you wrote that letter to the time you read it in the future. I mean, you can at least know how you think during those years you wrote that letter. 

So, I am writing this letter to you, my future self, because I really want to remind you how I am doing today, 19th of February 2013. So listen carefully to your silly old self.

Dear Future Me,

Tonight, I got home at around 10pm. Why you ask? Well, you waited for your parents who were at a party to pick you up. You waited for two agonizing and sleepy hours just so you can keep the money that's supposed to be for your transportation. Yes, you were that thrifty. I wonder if you're still like that.

Have you changed a lot? I mean, do you still not like wearing cute girly clothes? I hope you started liking them because a lot people today misunderstood you for being too boyish. Most of  the time, you dressed up with only a shirt and a jeans which is actually how most guys dress themselves. You don't even have that much sandals or shoes. It's just your slippers, rubber shoes and high heels which are only for school. Though, right now I'm trying hard to start that change and I hope that you, my future self, has been the result of that.

Right now, you're still a very shy and introvert person. Please, if you're still like this, you must try to speak out and approach people. They're really friendly and they won't bite you. You really have to experience to get to know people. Currently, you're fine around girls but you don't have any idea how to talk to guys. What I meant is you never even have a guy best friend because you never let yourself be open to them. Maybe you've already discovered that not every guy is the same like those you've experienced in the past. I sure hope you do. 

Anyway, have you become successful in your career? I hope that you've become the artist that you dreamed of. Well, I wanted you to have your own business and support yourself and family. If possible, I also want you to go around the world, take a lot of pictures and make  a lot of memories. If you really did become successful, remember our dream to build an orphanage? I hope you'll make it come true.

For the last part, please become the woman you dream of. One that loves God and is willing to be used by Him to become a blessing not only to people but also to the whole world.

I know, this is short, but I'll probably write to you again. Just remember to be always strong and never be afraid to ask for help when the time comes. Knowing you, you'll probably keep everything inside because you're too much concerned on carrying the burdens alone.

Your 17 year old self,

Mich

9 - Poem

I am the second child

And you are the youngest

You grew up with mom

While I grew up with grandma

You were raised in a peaceful place called Cavite

While I was brought up in the chaotic Manila

I got a year older and I finally met mom and you,

It was then that we grew up together

It was then, that I noticed something wasn't right

Mom spent more time with you

And her time for me was limited

I understood that because you're the youngest

And I am the middle child

As we became kids, its still the same

You're much closer to mom than I could ever be

You got mom on your side while I got nothing but myself

Maybe that's why I became the independent person that everyone can see

You see, this is the very reason why I'm envious of you

Its the root of this jealousy that's suffocating me

I was ready to resent you, Prepared to grow up hating you

But then, things had changed

Little by little, you grew on me

You taught me what being selfless is really is

You made me care on things I used to dismiss

And then, you finally made a friend out of me

You told me things like your crushes and dreams

You opened up to me, and I started to do the same

One time, you ran to me

You were crying because you can't handle it all

I should've hugged you, right then and there

But all I could be was a shoulder you leaned on

Forgive for not showing enough love

Forgive me for being mean at times

I am sorry, sorry that I wasn't the best sister you deserved

Right now, I still have a lot of studying to do

About how to be a sister and a friend to you

So just sit back and relax

And wait for me to change

To be the best sister,

You could ever have in this world

8 - Escaping Reality

"If you could do something that you've never done before,

What would it be? Why would you want to do it?"

An island I'd like to escape to

It has always been my dream to get out of reality and never worry about it. It'll be fantastic because I'll be able to get away from the hustle and busyness of life in our current generation. So, if I could do something I've never done before, it'll be to ride a boat, get away from the big city and trap myself in a tropical island. 

Why I want to do that? Because I want to just think of the present and not bother by what tomorrow will bring. Being on an island will force me to do just that. You see, all I have to worry is how to survive and get through the day. I'll only think of what to eat, where to sleep, and how to keep myself alive. There will be no pressures from other people and other stuffs like school. 

Another thing is I don't have to keep up with the world. Gadgets and technology wouldn't matter. I don't have to know about  the latest news and watch the latest episodes of a well-known show. It'll be perfectly alright for me to not care about the world if I'm trapped on an island.

Though, I know that surviving is really hard. One must have the skills and knowledge in order to live at least a day. I mean, you have to know a lot of things about the forest and the plants in it too. There's also the danger of dying of heat stroke or freezing at night and being killed by a wild animal. Everything is complicated because you have to do a lot of tedious work and manual labor..

In the end, risks and dangers are always there in an adventure. It wouldn't be fun if everything is safe and comfy. Right? 

 And this is the kind of adventure and escape from reality I'd like to do but never done before.